I’ve mostly left reddit and switched to beehaw, but I posted on somewhat of a niche tech-related subreddit today since there really isn’t a community for that here yet. And wow, I got instantly downvoted twice and the first comment response was rude and hostile. All I posted was a feature suggestion for software that I thought would be useful and that a good amount of people would like based on other feedback I’ve heard. This is not the sort of topic that should be controversial or aggravating, and it wasn’t like I made an ignorant post suggesting a feature that already existed or otherwise wasn’t well researched.

This type of instantly hostile response has happened numerous times on reddit for various different topics, but I just haven’t posted for a while, so I forgot just how shitty it can feel. It makes me really appreciate how friendly and respectful the community is here on Beehaw and on Mastodon. People seem to have good faith in one another similar to how the internet used to be in the old days.

Have you had similar experiences with Reddit and similarly opposite experiences here on Beehaw/Lemmy?

@Quexotic@beehaw.org
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21Y

Indeed I do. Reddit is specifically crafted to drive continuous engagement. Beehaw, Lemmy, Tildes, etc. are not. My understanding is that the engagement is driven through emotional manipulation. That just doesn’t seem to be here and I think it makes people not be so mean.

It’s improved my outlook on the world and on people.

@Sina@beehaw.org
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11Y

Do you perhaps have a source on this? (I’m really interested, not a sarcastic question)

I thought that Reddit’s only major problem was the fake internet point thing, before the venture capital craziness started that is.

@LEONHART@beehaw.org
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41Y

I agree with OP and the general consensus of the comments here.

This may sound corny, but all I really wanted to add to this thread is…thank you. Thank all of you for being so kind. So human.

I really hope the positivity of this platform continues on, as it’s truly been a bright spot slipping through the dark clouds of the internet.

Rock on, Beehaw. Rock. On.

Off topic. But is your username an FFVIII reference?

@LEONHART@beehaw.org
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01Y

It absolutely is. 🙂

Between that and my Griever tattoo, I guess I’m a bit of a fanboy.

Oh man. I love that game. At this point I play through it a couple times a year. I don’t have any tattoos. But I have a plan to get the Jumbo Cactuar Triple Triad card tattooed eventually.

Have you shared your tattoo on the Final Fantasy community? I’d love to see it.

@LEONHART@beehaw.org
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11Y

I haven’t, but perhaps I should head over there…

@Auzy@beehaw.org
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41Y

Honestly, Reddit was really good at the start, but they took too long to react to communities like: FatPeopleHate TheDonald FemaleDatingStrategy The child porn reddits

These people stretched their tendrils or worked around the admins, and eventually, were deeply engrained in reddit.

I’m not even sure why they didn’t react immediately. But, I feel like allowing these communities to fester for years had real life consequences too.

I don’t like that we can’t make communities in Beehaw ourselves, but maybe, it is neccessary until later to prevent communities from showing up

@deephurting@beehaw.org
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11Y

I’ve read that Aaron Swartz was tolerant of free speech in any way shape form, thus the acceptance of anything under the sun.

@Auzy@beehaw.org
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01Y

I’m not sure about that, but definitely possible (free speech always sounds great, until the racists take over)

But, I did love how the toxic bigoted crowd all turned on Ellen Pao thinking she was stifling their speech (and probably because she is a woman), only to discover she had seemingly actually protected a lot of it, and then getting their communities banned soon after (not to the extent Steve needed to ban them though of course)

@Auzy@beehaw.org
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21Y

I got told I was “larping” on Reddit once about operating a hiking group. A huge number of my posts were about hiking, and I think I even named my group a few times.

Also continuously got told by Americans that our anti gun laws weren’t actually working. In fact, anything suggesting they did was a instant downvote

So happy I deleted my primary account a few months ago. Much better environment here

@Valliac@beehaw.org
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21Y

It’s Twitter, but in longer form.

Everyone’s just there to be outraged at something. The whole internet is outrage-bait.

@Dankenstein@beehaw.org
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1Y

For me, Reddit/Twitter/Facebook/Instagram communities provided more incentives to have ASPD than to work on mitigating the symptoms and having productive, meaningful conversations.

Sure, I lose hostility as a defense mechanism against social anxiety but I can actually feel myself becoming happier since leaving.

Ignacio [he/him]
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21Y

For reasons I already pointed out several times (and which I don’t mind pointing out again), I had severe anxiety and rejection sensitiveness when I wrote comments on Reddit, fearing their responses. Sometimes those fears were correct, and sometimes don’t, but the fact that I suffered those things was enough to feel myself in danger. Twitter, Reddit, all was the same shit regarding interaction with other people.

Since I joined the fediverse and became more active, those fears were lowering. That, and the fact that I’m taking medication for my ADHD. But a good environment and friendly human interaction help too.

@kobold@beehaw.org
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31Y

i have quit reddit multiple times over such behavior. everyone is looking to become the most upvoted dunk on there

@LemmyAtem@beehaw.org
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11Y

Sometime in the past few years I feel like reddit devolved into an argument fest. It seems like the only thing anyone is interested in is arguing or saying rude or hateful shit in the comments. It turned me off to commenting tbh and even pre-api nonsense made me realize I didn’t enjoy reddit the way I used to.

It’s nice here still, and hopefully stays that way. Sometimes I’ll write something that I realize could be taken as rude and I’ll feel like an absolute asshole until I fix it. Like I’m worried I’ll upset someone when I didn’t mean to… I haven’t given something like that a second thought on Reddit in years.

Also if anyone reads a comment from me and I sound like an asshole, please let me know! It’s almost certainly not intended, especially anywhere on Beehaw.

@NekoRogue@beehaw.org
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21Y

Also if anyone reads a comment from me and I sound like an asshole, please let me know! It’s almost certainly not intended, especially anywhere on Beehaw.

This kind of energy is why I like it here on Lemmy, and especially Beehaw. Being nice should be the default. On Reddit, I got downvoted so many times just for asking a question in good faith. Then if getting downvoted bothers you, you get mocked further. “It’s just the internet, grow up” kind of stuff. Downvoting may not be a big deal to some people, but some don’t understand that it can have an effect on your mental health to feel rejected so much. You don’t know what other people are going through, having a heavily downvoted comment could even be a last straw for someone. Getting constantly insulted and downvoted can feel like the whole world is against you if you’re in a bad place. And a lot of people are in a bad place, especially since 2020. A lot of people are lonely and only have the internet to talk to, and if the internet rejects you too? It hurts. It’s not that hard to be nice, especially to people who mean well. I hope Lemmy stays like this as much as possible.

I would also like to be notified if I sound like an asshole about anything. It sounds dorky, but spreading even small moments of positivity really does have an effect on our world. We can see the damage that rage bait has done to people. Little things add up and they do have an effect on all of us. Let’s try to spread kindness as much as possible.

@Dandylion@beehaw.org
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11Y

YES… the way people talk to each other on Reddit is disheartening. I found that if I didn’t phrase things EXACTLY in the same tone/manner that was the general “reddit tone/manner” it was an argument and downvotes. If I had any opinion that was ever so slightly different from the popular opinion it wasn an argument and downvotes. It became impossible to have authentic conversations in many of the subs

@MusicHeals@beehaw.org
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11Y

deleted by creator

The hostility was exhausting and constant, but equally so was knowing I would have to bake in a bunch of qualifiers into my post to try to head off common bad faith arguments at the pass. When you’re doing this for the very real problems you’re having just existing in society as a minority, it’s absolutely soul-sucking. Even if you know it’s by design, you’re still just one person dealing with a lot of weighty garbage in real life who then has to deal with redditor JAQing/name calling/strawmanning the minute you try to talk about it to try to offset even a fraction of the emotional burden.

I am pretty happy to watch reddit die. Less happy when I think about how this can further distill the abuse within a lot of current discourse.

@BendyBee@beehaw.org
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21Y

It’s not a matter of being overly respectful really - it’s the culture of being shit scared to say anything which someone might find offensive. Sometimes you want to be comfortable enough to just be friendly with strangers, and hope that they will take things in the spirit they were intended…

Reddit is one of two sites (the other being a private tracker, the ‘cappers’ of which are a very very touchy breed - if you even suggest that it wouldn’t be difficult for them to name their files in a logical manner they throw hissy fits and threaten to quit… so that everyone simply SIMPS over them and worships the ground they walk on.

The difference being that if you upset someone on Reddit you get cut off for a few days. It’s a painful addiction - it’s like a 20 per day smoker being forced to go cold turkey for 3 days, and then being allowed to smoke again until the next cold turkey.

I guess I’m waiting to see if I actually encounter the toxic behaviour I heard people have seen in the Fediverse - I’m sure it’s out there, but really I’m mostly happy that it isn’t any longer part of the second most evil organization on earth…

Google being the first, and Reddit being the second… I’m hoping to see alternative search engines catch up ASAP (I used SearXNG to get a ‘blend’ for a year already) but there are many other issues which need sorting out.

Fediverse is a nice start.

@Tordoc@beehaw.org
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1Y

Thank you for sharing your experience. Reading the replies it seems like most of us have experienced similar from Reddit, and I agree with ArtZuron’s comment “the more public an online space becomes […] [t]he loudest most obnoxious people ruin it”. I’m reminded of Alyaza’s post of how unchecked toxicity can rapidly poison a userbase and drive away positive interaction. MayonnaiseArch sums it up better than I can: “being abused and gaslit and molested in any single interaction really makes you act in a different way, you can’t be honest or open in that kind of environment”

@cyberdecker@beehaw.org
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01Y

First off, OP, I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Hostile responses hurt, particularly when you’re just trying to help. I hope this doesn’t stop you from sharing ideas in the future. We need more people willing to share ideas so we can have good thought diversity.

That being said, I don’t think this is a good reason to leave Reddit or hate Reddit.

I know a lot of us are really highly charged right now and the Reddit hate is strong. We got burned by something that was a major part of our lives for many years. But the toxicity of the participants is not exactly a Reddit thing. This is an internet thing. You are not getting away from that here.

I have had similar experiences as OP on Reddit and I’m also seeing similar behaviors on Lemmy as well, particularly now that it is growing faster.

Lemmy and federated services in general do not automatically mean that the community is nicer or are more respectful. That is not the problem these services try to solve. They solve issues of ownership and centralization. Even communities like Beehaw aren’t free from this either. I’ve seen some pretty toxic behavior, even on Beehaw. They can’t escape that. But what they can do is set a standard for expected behaviors and then moderate the community as best they can. This doesn’t eliminate the problem, but at least it sets a stage where we can play, and call out when someone crosses the line.

So let’s not kid ourselves. When people from different backgrounds, views, and intents come together with the capability of being anonymous and behind a screen, the bad actors WILL come and join the fray. That’s just part of internet connected life.

@xray@beehaw.org
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11Y

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. I try not to let these type of interactions get to me because I know I should not let stranger’s opinion be able to affect me that much. I should be the gatekeeper of my emotions and what I let affect me. I just was already not having a great day yesterday, and being treated poorly for literally no reason, and realizing I wasted my time sharing my ideas just put me a bit over the edge.

And you’re right, these kinds of interactions are just something that happens as being a part of the internet and even just as part of humanity in the real world too. Bad actors are bad actors.

@cyberdecker@beehaw.org
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11Y

First off, I’m so sorry to hear you were having a bad day. That really sucks and I feel for you, friend. It happens to us all and I hope things look up for you soon! They usually do and stuff like this comes and goes in waves.

I should not let stranger’s opinion be able to affect me that much. I should be the gatekeeper of my emotions and what I let affect me.

You can’t always help this. We are emotional creatures. Feeling emotions is just something we do, and you don’t have to check that baggage at the door. You are entitled and valid for having a feeling in response to that situation. In my opinion you’re not wrong about feeling bad/upset either. You should be upset for getting dumped on like that. We just have to be mindful to let it guide our decisions sensibly. Don’t feel bad for feeling bad. You are justified in this situation.

…realizing I wasted my time sharing my ideas…

Please, please, please don’t see your contribution as a waste, despite the response you got. The way others respond is not always a great indicator of the quality of your contribution, particularly if you don’t exactly trust those individuals deeply. That’s kind of the problem with online communities like this, not everyone responds affirmatively even if they think it actually is a great idea. It’s hard to really know. It’s absolutely validating when someone outright says it, but on the same hand the negativity, especially if it’s not constructive, should be taken with a grain of salt. For all you know, someone could have seen your idea and run with it already, or come up with something else good based on it. You may never know though, and that’s okay. The intent of putting an idea out there is good, and thank you for doing that. Please don’t stop doing that.

@kuchaibee@beehaw.org
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31Y

I can relate to that a lot. I usually also comment on niche subs with a help question. Not sure what it is about reddit that makes the common redditor act like a hostile person with a superiority complex. It’s very irritating, like they do the opposite of touching grass 24/7 and hate you for posting.

Beehaw and Lemmy are much smaller so that’s also why the quality of the people here is just overall better. the moderation style in beehaw also helps. It also helps me feel like I can freely comment the way I want to.

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